Researchers Celebrate Independence Day By Blasting Human Eyes
Eyes are the second most common body part to receive injuries from fireworks (fingers are probably first). To figure out what causes these injuries, researchers in Virginia used four pairs of cadaver eyeballs and started blasting. I wonder if they invited the neighbors over to watch and enjoy a Miller Lite?

After “restoring them” to simulate a living set of eyes, four sensors were placed inside the eyes and then gunpowder was exploded at varying distances. They also set off actual firecrackers near the creepy undead eyeballs.

The most common injury was a corneal tear caused by small amounts of flying debris. The shock impact did not cause injury, but because the eyes had been removed from the head, researchers said they can’t be sure how eyes would react inside a socket.

The study was funded by the Department of Defense. Seriously.

Childbirth Takes Longer If You’re Nervous
In another study that seems to state the obvious, women who are more nervous about giving birth are in labor for an average of 90 minutes longer than women who are relaxed.

Wait. There are women out there who are relaxed about giving birth?

Researchers said that being scared of pushing a watermelon out of your genitals (well, they didn’t put it exactly like that)…but anyway, being scared releases adrenaline and that causes the muscles responsible for labor contractions to not work as effectively. Nervous women are also more likely to have an epidural or a cesarean.

Mom Brands 14-Year-Old Daughter as “Funny” For Not Wanting Breast Implants
A 53-year-old British mother of nine says that getting massive breast implants at age 18 is a rite of passage for her daughters. To date, four of them have already gone under the knife to boast more than $50,000 in combined breast implants.

But the youngest daughter, Britney, 14, says she thinks she wants to keep her natural figure.

“Britney is going through a funny phase at the moment and saying she doesn’t want to get her boobs done,” said Britney’s mom. “But I know my daughters, and I know Britney is no different from the rest. She idolizes her older sisters, so we’ve already started talking about her getting a boob job as soon as she turns 18. At the moment she doesn’t really have what I would say are boobs, so I would like her to follow in her sisters’ footsteps when she is old enough. I really love the fake look of my girls and I know that Britney will go that way when she’s a bit older. I love the idea of us all looking similar and glamorous.”

This family story needs to be made into a Broadway musical comedy, right? To see the almost stage worthy photos of this ridiculous family, click here.

Criminal Ice Cream Cravings
This story has nothing to do with medical news or plastic surgery, but I just had to include it for all of you who can kinda relate to this woman.

An Arkansas woman was arrested for leaving the scene of an accident after she plowed her car into the back of another driver’s truck. When police finally caught up with her, she said she didn’t stop because she had just bought some ice cream, and “I didn’t want it to melt.”

Can’t get enough weird plastic surgery news? Check out the archives.

Join me again next week as I continue to track the decline of civilized society as told through the strange and varied tales of plastic surgery.


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