What Would You Do For Jimmy Choo?
A British teen had foot reshaping surgery just so she could wear Jimmy Choo stilettos. Okay, that’s weird. But wait, it gets worse.
She lied about having excruciating pain in her feet so that she could get surgery for free. Free? But how, you ask? Y’know, because England has had Obamacare for a long time now. Anyway, the girl was not happy with what she called her “wide and ugly” feet that stopped her from living the life of Carey Bradshaw. Doctors cut several tendons and ligaments, broke her foot in four places, and placed two-inch screws into her bones. Taxpayers fit the bill for $5,800 – and the teen has gone on to spend more than $9,000 on designer kicks. She may be walking taller, but that’s pretty low.
Union Jack Soldiers Under the Knife
Also from across the pond, the British army reportedly spent more than 10,000 pounds on breast reduction surgeries for soldiers that couldn’t fit into the military issued bulletproof vests and another 7,000 pounds to reshape the ears of three recruits who had problems wearing their helmets.
Dr. Spock Called. He Wants His Ears Back.
Maybe those big-eared recruits had previously undergone “Spock” surgery? Also known as elf ear surgery, a body modification artist (note: not a doctor) in Tempe, Ariz., is becoming well-known for cutting the cartilage of the upper ear and sewing it back together in a point. The procedure is painful and irreversible – and c’mon let’s be honest – a little weird.
Tongue in Each Cheek
On the other hand, elf ears look downright cute compared to the body modification craze of tongue splitting. The now somewhat routine practice (no, seriously) of tongue bifurcation among body modification enthusiasts has been around since the 1990s. Serpent wannabees use several methods to fork their tongues including scalpel and stitches, lasers, or the do-it-yourself fishing line technique that involves a pre-existing tongue piercing and other things you don’t want to know about. Wikipedia reports that the two sides can usually move independently and that speech and eating problems usually resolve with practice. What a relief.
Oh No He Didn’t!
Okay, it’s one thing to change your look to please yourself, but what about when your husband asks you to undergo plastic surgery to look like someone else? Ouch. And what if he wanted you to look like his first wife? Double ouch. A woman says she feels conflicted about her husband’s insistence that she undergo surgery to look more like his first wife who died in a car accident but that she will agree so that she does not lose her family. At least the doctors in China are exhibiting some restraint by insisting that both the husband and wife undergo a psychological evaluation before the surgery. I’m fairly certain that I would be undergoing a coroner’s evaluation if I ever made the same request of my wife, so he should consider himself very lucky indeed.