The Public Pubic
I don’t want to even acknowledge that there are “pubic trends.” But there are, and as a plastic surgeon, it is my literal, actual job to be aware of all cosmetic trends.
Once upon a time, humans lived in caves, and the “trend” was not to groom one’s nether regions. Then, along came economical high quality razors, and boom: new trend. Romans were less hirsute, thanks to sharp razors. Grooming has since come to mean many things, and has become more extreme with the onward march of options (wax, laser, etc.) but overall, society grooms. Or so we thought.
Now, in the blink of an eye, and much to the reversal of societal progress, the hipsters have seized upon ‘pubic trends.’ And as usual, they’re ruining it.
Perform the shameful Google search (as I just did) of “pubic trends,” and you will learn that 2013 ushered in a rejection of all grooming, in favor of voluminous pubic hair. But wait, the drama has only begun.
With spring 2014, hipsters remembered how unseemly visible hair is when enjoying a day at the beach with children. They came face to crotch with the fact that their generation, while infatuated with retro ideas, is disgusted by actual pubic hair where it counts. And so was born the “full bush Brazillian.” Purported to be the current trend, it has been described as “hippie in the front, porn star in the back.”
Oh, the humanity. Men don’t seem to know what they want, and women certainly don’t know what they should do. When it comes to mixed messages and heavy pressure on women, this generation has nailed it.
Overall, research (oh yes, there’s been research. A graph, even.) suggests a long term increase in grooming over time. So like their ironic pleated tapered slacks, the hipster crotch trend will probably be a flash in the pan. By the way, if you want to simplify your life and eschew pubic trends, call my office about laser hair removal.
The Civilized Earlobe
photo credit: realself.com
Kids. What can you say? They rebel. And today, it’s not as easy as scowling and smoking cigarettes. Raised in suburban public schools, modern teens know that $#%@ causes cancer. So, what to do? How can one safely proclaim one’s nonconformity? For the past few years, more and more young people have been achieving alternative lifestyle cred by stretching their earlobes with increasingly large gauges; tribal style. Sigh. Right up until now. Now, they need that real job and have decided it’s time for a classy girlfriend. Enter a NEW trend: cosmetic surgery to repair stretched earlobes. And it’s all the rage. Earlobe repair surgeries are very effective at restoring the natural appearance of the ear, and improving your job prospects. A classic gentleman’s side note- Just because I saw this coming, doesn’t make it any less satisfying.
Eye Color Change
Photo Credit: abcnews.com
Today’s cosmetic industry makes anything possible, including the good, the bad and the wacky. If you want to, you can completely change your body shape, skin and hair color, banish baldness, add oodles of hair and eyelashes, and retouch any minute detail of your face.
There are even more extreme options available, however, if you’re willing to travel. We have chronicled the painful practice of leg lengthening before, and now, you can have your eye color surgically changed, too. I could launch into some warnings about the extreme risks involved, but I will save my time.
If you’re the sort of person traveling abroad for foreign surgery because you hate your eye color so much that colored contacts won’t suffice, then you’re already unreachable. God speed.
A Trend for Two
Photo Credit: BarcroftUSA
Twins are special in their duplicity. They can also be weird, times two. Emma and Sara Koponen are identical twins who admit their plastic surgery obsession. They always undergo the same procedures to keep their identicalness. I offer the Koponen twins no judgment in the exercise of their own personal choices. However…can I just…..? Hear me out.
They’re naturally identical; no surgery needed if identical is the goal. But when spending $60,000 on surgeries, one is not in the game of keeping that natural look. And I hate to point out the obvious, but their hair and tattoo choices could NOT be more different, so they have already waved goodbye to that Double-mint indistinguishability. Carry on, ladies, with your pursuits. All I’m saying is, we can totally tell you apart, so….
Join me again next week as I continue to track the decline of civilized society as told through the strange and varied tales of plastic surgery.
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