by Charity Ohlund – guest blogger, former waitress and former medical office manager
To put it mildy, I’ve had an interesting and varied career path. To put it bluntly, I never decided what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I’ve worked as a banker, marketing person, web site developer, sales person, concierge and writer (to name just a few). I also spent several years as a server at an upscale steakhouse. Immediately following that job, I became the office manager at a cosmetic surgery and medical spa center. It was this transition that first allowed me to see how differently customers behaved when they were at a restaurant.
Now, of course, the majority of my restaurant guests were delightful. But it’s the real jerks that tend to sear into our memories, right? Once I started working at the doctor’s office, it become obvious to this former server that restaurants bring out a certain jerkishness in people that doesn’t often show up in other places of business. Maybe it’s that hospitality leads jerkish-inclined folks to imagine that for about an hour, they have actually joined the ranks of aristocracy by simply obtaining a Discover card. Or maybe it’s that the welcoming atmosphere of a restaurant reminds customers of home and they just fall into treating employees like they treat their wives, husbands and children – like dirt.
So just for laughs, I’ve compiled this list of things that you would never hear a customer say in a plastic surgeon’s office:
- What do you mean there’s no availability for an appointment tomorrow? That’s unacceptable. I come there all the time! I’m a very important patient. Let me talk to the doctor. I’m sure he’d want to know I’m trying to make an appointment.
- I’ve been waiting in this little room sitting on this little table for more than 10 minutes! I will not pay you for your services today.
- I know you are a plastic surgeon but I’m just not really in the mood for a facelift today. Can I just get an angiogram instead?
- That doctor across the street does a WAY better physical than you. Cheaper, too. I sometimes wonder how you stay in business, doc.
- I don’t feel this anesthesia at all. Did you even put any drugs in there? Take this back up to the anesthesiologist and tell her to make it a strong one this time. I’m paying good money for that.
- (Whistle) Heeyyyyy, doctor. You married? You look hot in that white coat. What size are you?
- Will you watch my kids for about an hour and a half while I ignore them and enjoy myself?
- Well, the skin graft is taking too long. What am I paying you for anyway? I fully expect a free skin grafting coupon for next time.
- It’s my birthday. Do you offer any discounts?
- No, I don’t need anything else. I know you closed an hour ago, but I want to sit in the exam room for a few more hours and just relax. I’ll let you know if I need anything.