On Tuesday, a federal judge in Philadelphia ruled in favor of two middle school girls who were previously banned from wearing the popular “I (Heart) Boobies” rubber bracelets to school.

Brianna Hawk, 13, and Kayla Martinez, 12, had been wearing the bracelets since the beginning of the school year when school officials decided to ban them, asserting that the slogan was a lewd double entendre.  On Oct. 28 – Breast Cancer Awareness Day – both girls were suspended a day and a half for wearing them to school.  Naturally, the girls sued.

U.S. District Judge Mary A. McLaughlin wrote in a 40-page memorandum, “The bracelets are intended to be and they can reasonably be viewed as speech designed to raise awareness of breast cancer and to reduce the stigma associated with openly discussing breast health.”

Um.  Where to start on this one?  Here are just a few observations :

1. The judge wrote a 40 PAGE MEMO about rubber bracelets.  Yeah, that’s a good use of time.

2. What happened to conversations like this between parents and kids?

Kid – “My school said I can’t wear this bracelet anymore.”

Parent – “Okay.”

Kid – “But I want to.”

Parent – “You’re a kid.  Nobody cares what you want.”

Kid – “But I really want to.”

Parent – “Too bad. Now go take out the trash.”

These days, it goes something like this:

Kid – “My school said I can’t wear this bracelet anymore.”

Parent – “What?  You are an individual with the right to express yourself however you like. I’m calling our attorney!”

Puh – leeze.

3. Apparently, one of the kids had a grandmother who died of breast cancer and that’s why it was so important to her to wear the bracelet to school.  Yeah, wearing a brightly-colored piece of rubber made in China for pre-pubescent boys to snicker at is an excellent way to honor Grandma.  What happened to planting a tree?

4. The kids are 12 and 13 years old, and the bracelets are just as popular for boys to wear as girls.  They’re like the PG-13 version of Live Strong bracelets.  And, no, it’s not that the word “boobies” is offensive…it’s what we typically say to babies and toddlers.  The point is that it takes very little to distract 12 and 13 year olds from the business at hand (namely math, science and geography).  Don’t teachers have enough to compete against?  You try teaching E=mc2 to 23 kids holding iPhones.  What’s that?  They want to ban iPhones?  I’m calling my lawyer.

For more information about our guest author, Charity Ohlund, please visit her blog at http://frothygirlz.com/contributors/charity-cj-ohlund/ .


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