These days everyone wants to be famous. And thanks to the internet, one no longer needs to be special to achieve that fame, but must merely possess the willingness to go to a weird visual extreme. Though it may wreck one’s ability to function normally within a community, that glorious, white-hot ray of fame can be found for a brief, obscure, virtual moment.
Yeah, We Saw That Movie
By now you may have caught a glimpse of this internet “sensation.” (Which is what, exactly? Maybe the 21st century’s version of the supermarket tabloid? Whatever it is, it’s definitely NOT legit.)
Anyhoo, this woman calls herself Jasmine Tridevil, presumably a self conceived moniker, adopted around the time she ventured into the business of an internet boob hoax. If, however, her parents named her Jasmine Tridevil as a baby, that kind of emotional abuse actually lends credibility to her story.
Here’s all you need to know. Jasmine has fame fever and got hold of a “three breast prosthesis,” probably from a Hollywood garage sale. She strapped on the prosthesis, snapped some pictures and posted them online with an outrageous story about wanting to be a reality star (ok, so that’s believable.) Success!
Jasmine Tridevel was the 15 minute “sensation” she always aspired to be. Then she was outed as a fake, and is now scratching to prolong the warm glow of the spotlight by doubling down on her claims: “I’ll PROVE they’re real!”
As a species, this story doesn’t bode well for us.
Photo Credit: facebook.com / Huffington Post / Total Recall: Movie
Dreams Do Come True
Photo Credit: facebook.com / Huffington Post
When your dream is to end world hunger, you’ve got a lot of work to do. You better get with the good-foot if you’re going to see that happen in your lifetime.
But if your dream is “resembling a sexy bimbo doll,” it’s TOTALLY achievable. All you’re going to need is an unhealthy relationship with both your body, and a wealthy man. Yes, you too can live this dream, nightmare, whatever.
Victoria Wild is no Jasmine Tridevil, but she packs three breasts-worth of volume into the standard two, has permanent lip implants, and (wait for it) would “love to become famous,” for her sex doll look.
There it is. The blind ambition for fame at all costs.
A Lightbulb & a Leg
Photo Credit: Stefanie Gratz, for NRC Reader
Not everyone can reasonably achieve fame for sexy breasts. But one man’s severed limb is another man’s treasure, or so hopes Leo Bonten, a man hoping to reap a big payoff and internet fame, by making his leg into a lamp and selling it on Ebay.
Mr. Bonten lost his leg in an accident, but this publicity stunt is no whoopsydaisy. Leo went to great legal and strategic lengths to have his leg preserved and made into a lamp. Alas, now he has hit a snag in his plan, since Ebay has a policy against selling body parts and banned him from auctioning it on their site.
Something tells me Leo isn’t going to give up so easily. He wants a buyer, he’s all over the internet, and like you, he knows that with a world-wide audience, selling anything is possible.
Leo claims to be desperate for money. Perhaps. But I’d say he’s desperate for attention too. After all, people have been known to raise cash without giving an arm or a leg. (No, I’m not sorry about that. If the shoe pun fits a disembodied foot, wear it as a literary device in your blog.)
Photo Credit: mirror.co.uk
Here at Wacky Wednesday, we devote much attention to augmented breasts and questionable surgical choices. So today I’d like to honor their counterparts: natural breasts and the choice not to have them surgically altered.
Meet Annie Hawkins-Turner. As you can clearly see, she has the world’s largest natural breasts according to the Guinness book. Size 48 V (which is the unimaginable breast size equivalent to a bazillion dollars. What does that even mean?!)
She has chosen not to have them surgically reduced, and I’m sure she has 99 reasons, but a pain-free back ain’t one. To be certain, she’s now received a measure of fame out of the decision to stay au naturelle.
Never Too Young?
Photo Credit: mirror.co.uk
When all else fails in your pursuit of notoriety, consider the exploitation of your children. Romanian brothers Giuliano and Claudiu Stroe, ages 9 and 7, are famous for being hulk-children. Seven days a week, they endure 2 hours of “gruelling” workouts to achieve this kind of sexy and intimidating childhood physique. The boys perform demonstrations of their awesome strength on their own Youtube channel, while mom and dad hold the video camera.
If the contrast of veiny rippling muscles and a child’s innocent face don’t creep you out, surely the parents’ conduct must. Dad, Lulian, says there’s no proof that the workouts are harmful, ipso facto; they’re healthy. (A logical home run.)
Might the parents, drunk on fame, be giving their boys harmful performance enhancing substances? Oh come now. What kind of parents would….wait, never mind.
Fresh New Beach Fashion
Photo Credit: mirror.co.uk
I bring this up only because the wackitude here, is so high that it can’t be ignored, as is the wearer’s naked lust for fame. His name is Bobbie Norris, and apparently this kind of fashion is his chosen avenue for getting public (and pubic? Had to be said.) attention.
This “garment” speaks for itself, but I will echo the curiosity of Mirror reporters Anna Leach and Sophie Warnes, when they ask, “Is it made out of foil? Did he buy it? Did he make it? Was it a hand-made birthday gift from a caring and dear friend?”
Join me again next week as I continue to track the decline of civilized society as told through the strange and varied tales of plastic surgery.
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