Let’s be clear: all doctors are a little weird. Or a lot weird. I’m the only normal one out there, trust me…
What’s a Little Cocaine Between Colleagues?
Dr. Paul Holden of Scottsdale has some major explaining to do. Except that he’s not doing it, and nobody seems to care. He’s a plastic surgeon. (Cringe). He reportedly broke into a neighboring medical facility and stole some medicinal cocaine in the presence of both a witness and video surveillance. We can learn more when the trial begins sometime early this year.
A little poor judgment may be forgivable, since surgeons generally experience high levels of stress. But the more details we fill in about his life, the more I find myself praying for an intervention. For starters, he was banned from the same medical facility last year after an “incident”. Oh, and I forgot to mention, he was investigated for a domestic disturbance involving suicidal declarations, driving in a car, and a handgun. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, those are the ingredients for tragedy and devastation. But you won’t find them on the promotional flier he distributed to patients letting them know about his new office location. The Arizona Medical Board only temporarily suspended his practice and Holden’s profile on their site shows no adverse action against him. You’d have to look in the County Court Records to find more on that. The lesson here is: know your doctor. Unstable professionals are more likely to make dangerous mistakes. Dr. Holden is a cautionary tale; a blur of mental health red flags, emitting an ear-splitting cry for help. Wouldn’t you want to know that before he operated on you?
It’s a well established fact that people from New Zealand are cooler than everyone else. Dr. James Grant just proved this once again. He was spearfishing (cool) when he was attacked by a shark (horrific, but still pretty cool). Dr. Grant then whipped out his knife (cool) stabbed the shark as it was attacking him (What?!! Cool!), and then patched himself up with a first-aid kit for dogs. (Again, very cool). But the way we know Dr. Grant is the coolest, is because he then went to a pub and ordered a beer. Only after bleeding uncontrollably in said pub, was he taken away for medical treatment.
It’s like Crocodile Dundee, MacGuyver and Chuck Norris all rolled into one, and he also went to medical school. On my very best days practicing third world medicine with a glistening tan and exciting circumstances, I will still never be this cool. But I’m pretty close.
Because Plastic Surgery IS Art
Seoul’s Gangnam District boasts a new piece of art. It’s a sculpture, apparently of a tower? Not sure: no photo currently available. But that’s not important. The think you need to know about this sculpture is that the artist is a plastic surgeon, and it is made from over 2000 bone fragments, removed from at least 1000 patients in the process of their cosmetic surgeries. It’s not for everyone, but what artwork is? The doctor responsible for the masterpiece was apparently unaware that his medium ran amok of medical waste disposal laws, and has been required to pay a fine of nearly $2800. A small price perhaps, for such an unbelievably unique endeavor?
I WANT To Hate This Couple, But I Can’t.
Photo credit: Youtube / Barcroft TV
Dr. David Matlock of “Dr. 90210” fame is (apparently) happily married to one of his patients. Her name is Veronica, and she came for vaginal rejuvenation but stayed for a ‘wonder-woman makeover’ and marriage. This couple is obsessed with looking perfect. They eat and exercise perfectly. They perfect whatever else is imperfect with perfect cosmetic surgery. Any time you see this level of disdain for imperfection, it’s no surprise that there are a lot of perfection-haters speaking out against them; even their daughter disapproves, saying “I would never really wanna get surgery.”
Don’t get me wrong, it’s sad to see a young daughter get left behind from the selfish preoccupation of her parents. My eyes immediately and violently rolled as I watch Veronica describe her lifestyle as merely “healthy”. And I’m not proud of the emotional immaturity of my fellow plastic surgeon here: “for richer for poorer…but not fat”. Yet, in the featured video interview, I just have to say, they seem really genuinely fond of each other. And that’s rare after a few years of marriage, I don’t care what your walk of life is. Veronica earnestly points out that they fell in love before all of her surgery, and she was 20 pounds less perfect at the time. Maybe I’m reaching, but they seem vaguely aware that their desperate need for perfection stems from irrefutable evidence that they are not perfect.
Like I said. I might try to hit them with some perspective, but I just can’t hate these crazy love birds.
Join me again next week as I continue to track the decline of civilized society as told through the strange and varied tales of plastic surgery.
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